Pages From My Book

Journey of two

2010-01-21T10:40:00.001+04:00

I close my eyes for a moment. I take in a deep breath.Bad idea. All I smell is antiseptics. A strong sickening smell, it makes me nauseous.I prefer the sweet coffee aroma, so I get myself a cup of coffee from the grey machine that stands on the side of the room. The one which I have been drinking from over and over again, for so many mornings now.
Every morning I tell myself I wont drink it again. It doesn’t taste like coffee, but then this is a hospital; coffee cant taste like coffee, can it?

Has it been 48 days? Or 49? I honestly lost count.I look around the room and my eyes lay on the 15-year old who’s slouching on his usual chair. He comes in every Sunday and Tuesday, and sits there chewing gum and looking bored and not happy about the fact that he is here. But then, no one would be happy about being here.

I smile at him, and he gives me his usual frown. It takes you a few weeks of smiling at that boy and getting frowns in return, to stop believing that smiles are contagious.I cross my legs, uncross them, stand up and walk around the room then sit back again shifting in my seat. These plastic chairs are so uncomfortable.

It’s 10.25, almost time.My gaze moves towards the small room door as I patently wait, for what I consider my only glimpse of hope in this cold, tiring place.

There they are. They walk hand in hand as usual.They don’t really walk, they slowly hobble in. The long time which takes them to reach their seats doesn’t ever seem to bother either of them. They just smile at each other adoringly

He has hair that’s as white as December snow, and kind brown eyes which are as warm and light as the coffee in my plastic cup.
She , on the other hand, has a tiny frail figure and delicate wrinkled hands which I wish I could touch, just one time.
I cant help staring at them. I cant help smiling either, or finding myself lost in thoughts and wondering about their long journey; a journey of two.

A glance back

2010-01-21T10:35:00.001+04:00

I remember being 18
I was one of those relatively tiny girls, who had an attitude as twice as her size.I remember being stubborn, enthusiastic, passionate rebellious and full of mischief. I also remember being naïve, fragile, so afraid of the unknown and terrified of change.

I was, as my dad described me -and still does- his tough woman.When anything was forced upon me, I objected. I voiced my objection, I ranted, I cried, I refused to eat or talk, whatever it required to get my way.

For the first time in my life though, my countless methods of resistance have all failed.I announced my defeat, packed my most precious belongings in a couple of bags and took along every photograph I had. I hugged my closest friends goodbye and got in the backseat of the car, my face covered with angry tears, sitting there in an a miserable silence, which lasted for days.

It felt as though my life was coming to an end.

In a blink of an eye, it all changed.

Day by day, I found myself swooped in, until I looked around and suddenly realized that I have been lost in the crowd and have become part of it. It took my breath away.The cultures, the religions, the political views, the struggles, the hopes, the dreams, the ambitions, the ideas, the beliefs and the causes. The vast differences and barriers of languages and colors, and the simple similarities of being human.

Many Years, faces , names and life stories later, I came to see that life was much more than what it used to be in that little bubble.I have found myself. I have learnt to have a say in what I wanted to be.The world has so much to offer me, just like I have so much to offer.

They keep asking me if I would have done it differently have I had a choice. I keep answering “I wouldn’t have changed a thing”

I Rant

2010-01-21T10:31:00.001+04:00

Over and over again, for as long as I could remember, I have always felt misplaced in this society.I used to think it was normal. Part of growing up. You get confused, you sort it out, and everything falls into place.

As I grow older though, it hits me every morning I wakeup, the sad apprehension that this is not me “growing up”. Things are never going to fall into place. A worrying thought, which makes me want to stay curled up in my safe bed. To go back to sleep and never wakeup.

Let me clarify.No one killed my dreams. Nor have I ever been an oppressed woman. I have been given unlimited love, freedom and trust. I’ve been educated well and been given all the support, space and advice I have ever needed to achieve whatever aspiration I have ever had.I have educated parents, loving siblings and a good family.Health, wealth, class, beauty. Tick, tick, tick and tick.

What is it, you may question, that I lack? What am I ranting about?I’m not ungrateful, nor am I unappreciative. I promise.My issue is not personal. My dilemma is the fact that I cant just “let it be”I can’t seem to come to level with this society and its law and order.I am lost and I am never ashamed to admit it.

I am not talking about the typical exhausted issues, such as double standards, inequality, being scared of judgment and having to think twice before or after every word and action.I’m not even voicing my objection about being told what to do, believe in, who to love and how to live.

What angers me, is not knowing what the benchmarks are. Senseless, ridiculous cultural rules and traditions that have no relation and many times even clash with religion. Empty, aimless lives. Hollow spirits lead by the love of money and power.Shallow materialistic stupid girls who lack proper principles, opinions and most importantly purposes.Men who are hypocrites, lead double lives and think that their gender gives them the right to do so. After all, they are invincible

It exhausts me to be part of a world where right has become wrong, and the wrong have become correct in our eyes.Being stuck in this unhealthy rut with people who might as well be dead. While the world moves forward and leaves us behindI feel angry; I therefore rant

I Sit there waiting

2010-01-21T10:27:00.002+04:00

I sit there, squinting in the sun, reading a paperback, dressed in my orange t-shirt and favorite pair of jeans. The sun so bright. Warm on my tanned skin. In the distance, a little boy and a girl run around the water sprinklers. Shrieks and laughter. Colors of the rainbow. Summer fun.I have never been a fan of summer.

I sit there waiting

Months pass by. I look around and find myself at that same place, swinging my legs, and humming to myself. I feel the breeze as it blows away the crisp orange leafs. I smile because I know it. Fall has begun

I sit there waiting.

I laugh to myself as the tiny droplets of rain fall on my hair, eyelashes and the tip of my nose. I sip my coffee and take a deep breath of fresh air, and for a moment I enjoy the cold rush. I feel alive. How I like the browns and blacks, the sweaters and wool. How I love the rainy afternoons.

I sit there waiting

What am I to do

2010-01-21T10:26:00.001+04:00

We accept when we see
We believe when we feel
We like to think that we decide
That we have power over every happening around us;
we can change, determine and choose.
What happens when we lose that control?
When life looks down at us with that smug smile, and uses us as puppets in its cruel little games it plays?
What am I to do with love?
What am I to do with death?

22

2007-08-29T21:16:00.000+04:00

Days pass by. Seems like yesterday, I was just a 10 year old girl, playing around with her bicycle, trying so hard to ride the two-wheeler, to be a grown up. Weeks pass by. Seems like yesterday when I was happy turning thirteen, I am not a 12 year old child anymore. I just stepped into adolescence; adulthood is just a few steps away. Months pass by. Here I am, a stubborn 15 year old who passionately believes in all sorts of things, trying to find herself. Years pass by; here am I, a 17 year old who thinks she knows it all. A girl in a constant struggle with whoever tries to control or protect her. Seems like yesterday, when I was an 18 year old being hit by one of life’s harshest experiences; loss. Days pass by. Seems like yesterday when I was a 20 year old girl, facing the world, with all the joys and pains it has to offer, a girl trying to care and trust, and even let go. Months pass by, here I am…22

To Tame A Heart

2007-08-01T11:03:00.001+04:00

Sitting by a window
Watching the highway
As the fast lane goes by
And again
I find myself lost In my own thoughts
A life that’s tiring
And I wonder
Again between all the noise
Just trying to find a way
To tame a restless soul
Question after question
They come along
What has gone
And what is left to come
Who’s to know
In the strange road of life
And those eyes still search
For warmth in the distance
And hearts
Still look for happiness
Wherever it may be found
Wild Heart

Daydreaming In The Airport

2007-08-01T10:48:00.000+04:00

So many faces I see, as I walk between the crowd. So many stories to be told, within the diversity I find. I try to catch up with my dad who has a faster pace and then I look back at the two smiling faces as I listen to the bickering and whispering. I look around as I take in the smell that’s somewhere between coffee and cigarettes. Again I stare at the crowd and again I wonder what each pair of those eyes hold within. Families sitting together on the floor in different corners here and there. Some who seem to have been there for quite a while and have given up sleeping on the uncomfortable chairs. Couples here and there, holding hands or talking softly. Young solo travelers pass me by. I listen to the murmurs and I hear babies crying, while the little kids never stop chatting and asking their tired looking parents about everything. I look again. Different hairs, eyes, attitudes, clothes, smells, styles and stories to be told. Again I realize how much it makes me wonder

World Of Conflict

2007-04-16T19:54:00.000+04:00

Struggling everyday riding on this rollercoaster called life.
Waking up in the morning and trying to make it through the day in a continuous struggle trying to find ourselves in this world.
The conflict between a materialistic society and ambitions within.
The effort to hold on to our own beliefs faced by the pressures of conformity
Trying to fit in somewhere in a cruel world, a place to belong
Accepting people just the way they are, getting past differences
Coping with change, being able to move on
Taking in this global culture, and still maintaining an identity
Fighting for independence behind the walls of overprotection
The courage of following our own way when running with the crowd is much easier
The ability to say what’s on our minds even when all we get are judging stares
finding ourselves when we get lost in the many ideas and thoughts around us
dealing

You Say

2007-02-26T12:57:00.000+04:00

You look at me
And you look away
You look into my eyes
And you just smile
Who are you
To smile that way
You say you know me
You say you understand
You are so sure you have me figured
Inside out
when there’s so much
you just don’t know
from the way you get through
I’m forced to believe
You tell me you can’t stand my tears
Still
Over and over
You make me cry

Like Them

2007-02-05T15:51:00.000+04:00

I listened to their conversation and for a moment, I just wished I was that naïve. I wished I could say silly things like that. I wish I was able to say whatever’s on my mind without thinking, without being scared of judgment. I wished I knew as little as them. I wished I barely understood. I wished my world was as simple as they saw it, and my most important concern was which ice-cream flavor to choose. I wish I was so carefree that innocence was all what could be seen in my eyes and it was all that was heard in my laughter. Just like them. I wish I was able to run until I was breathless. I wish I was able to play till I had dirt in my hair and I didn’t care. like them.

I May Be 21

2007-01-27T14:24:00.000+04:00

I looked at a world around me
Yes I’m young,
Still I’m wounded.
I have learnt
You look at me
And see a beginning of the life
The radiance of youth
A soul so alive
A page still white
Sparks in those glowing eyes
The carefree smile
Still
There’s much more
Who says you’ve got to be forty
For you to realize
That it’s possible
To smile,
With tear filled eyes
That there are weak moments
Between the long times you’ve stood high and proud
Like mountains
That there is a single moment
Between holding on tightly
And letting go
Who says you’ve got to be forty
To know that the same heart
Could love with passion
Yet hate and hate
To find out that two eyes
See the world as heaven today
And get lost
In the same world
When it seems like the darkest place tomorrow
Who says you’ve got to be forty
To learn the secrets of souls
How they could hold so much courage and faith
Then break down so easily
And be driven by the Selfishness life forces
Yet the empathy embedded there
Love that’s God given
Still lies within
How there’s a thin thread
Between care
And indifference
Just like there is
Between emptiness
And fulfillment
How you can be lost in the crowd
Still it doesn’t change the loneliness
That’s within
That all the noise that surrounds you
Cant shake the silence
Sometimes all it takes
Is being 21

Outta This World..as always

2006-11-06T19:16:00.000+04:00

Sometimes I feel that I stand on a side
And the rest of the world stands on the other side
like
Today our psychology professor told us that we have to take a paper and pen, and write what we would do if we had the power of being invisible for 24 hours.
The common answers were:
1) I would spy on my BF/GF
2) I would steal/rob a bank
3) I would go to the professor’s office and change my grades/ steal the exam
The professor was all happy coz he found a pattern that proved his theory, every single paper he read had one of those 3 things..suddenly he read a paper and everyone burst out laughing.
It said: “I would go to New York and get lost there”
Yup! It was mine…
Typical..

Should've Known

2006-11-06T19:11:00.000+04:00

I’ve been told over and over again
Think, don’t feel
Be tough, it’s a cold world out there
I never get it though
I try,I cant!
Rules they go by don’t satisfy me
I have my own
How come
I always feel, I never think
How come
Knowing where it takes me
I’ve seen a lot
Because of trust
Because of care
You shouldn’t care they say
Watch out for yourself
Can’t listen to that though, can I
Left lonely and broken many times
I should’ve learnt
How come
I never did
How come I end up here every time

Searching Souls

2006-09-29T13:10:00.000+04:00

The other day, I was talking to a friend..we were discussing different religions, different beliefs. Religion is a topic which I have always been inquisitive about. Sometimes I feel that I take my religion for granted..Since the day I was born, I was named to have that religion. I grew up in a conservative home, I was raised in a society were religion and traditions are everything. I’m not religious, and I’m not perfect. I worship God. I pray. I try my best to follow the rules of religion, to stay away from sins. I wonder though..why is it that when we are just born with something, we don't feel its importance? I have seen people convert to my religion, and it amazes me, when I see the way they hold on to religion, how it seems like a huge deal to them. Like it’s something precious they found after searching for so long, something they don’t want to lose ever again .I’ve also seen people who’ve suddenly became so religious. People who turned their whole lives around…How does that happen? What changes? I’ve talked to many people, with different religions..People are so different, yet so similar. Christianity,Judaism,Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism…the world of religion is so diverse. I’ve also talked to a lot of people who follow no religion, who don’t find the need to worship a God…
late last night I was tired. It has been a rough stressful week. I’ve had enough arguing, crying and worrying. This harsh world exhausts me, sometimes dealing with people and their coldness drains away all the energy that I have within me. I turned down the lights in my rooms; I sat down in the corner where I have my prayer mat. I held the holly book and I read. Warm Tear rolled down my face. Not the tears of frustration I’ve been shedding all week..no..tears of relief..the ones which wash your soul. I smiled and prayed God would grant me patience and peace of mind. Just then I realized, that I know that someone was listening to me, someone who watches over me all the time, someone who loves me, someone who grants me my strength, someone who gives me the willpower when I want to give up, someone who forgives me and protects me…Who answers my prayers..Then and There..I Felt His Presence..

Silence Like Stone

2006-09-26T18:10:00.000+04:00

Day after day
I try to reach out
You seem to be moving further away each time
Again,I try
It hurts, every time I look into your eyes
Still, it makes me smile
Sometimes I feel that being away
is getting easier
But Then I realize
I wonder why
As each day is passing by
Something’s dying within me
Pain of the heart
Leaving my soul empty
Each passing moment
like I’m left alone
They are all smiling
Sweet reality
I watch the world
Memories of other days
All seem like miles away
Trying to reach out
To anyone, anything
Unable
Too tired, frustrated with this confusion
Out of words, so out of tears
My only way left to cope
Silence
That’s how I deal today my friend
Silence like cold, like frozen stone
And when hot tears roll down
They are healing some wounds..

Keep That Mouth Shut

2006-09-21T19:18:00.000+04:00

Stupid people piss me OFF
I shouldn’t be pissed off at them coz I think its enough punishment that God hated them that much TO make them that way

Insensitivity annoys me.
It makes me feel so ashamed that I am part of this human race.
Call me paranoid, call me OVERsensitive.
I don’t care
I just know that stupidity sucks
People are so dumb to the extent that they don’t know when to keep their big mouths shut
Seriously, I wanna scream
Keep that stupid comment to yourself you idiot.
No, I don’t have the answer myself so I can’t answer you
Do you really have to ask that?
Is the answer so important to you?
Do you caaare?
Get out my face then you freak
God damn it
Ok..the last couple of days I have been thinking I’m going emotionally dead
Thank God, now I know I’m not

The fading glow

2006-08-11T13:31:00.000+04:00

I lived
I tried
I wished
I hoped
I dreamed
Dreams way bigger than me, I have been told
But now you killed
All the hope
All the wishes and those dreams
The glow of light within
You’ve shattered all what’s in me
The look in your eyes
Left my soul broken
Lost in thought
Drowning in seas of misery and confusion

Hurting Souls

2006-07-18T14:06:00.000+04:00

Weird how in one day, you can loose faith in something you believed in so much. It’s like the difference between yesterday and today. It’s like the couple of hours between last night and this morning. All it takes is one reality, one hurtful truth, to make you wakeup and see what’s real.. What’s right.. Isn’t it sad how you could trust someone blindly, how you give your heart away, How you think you know them more than you know yourself..
Then it happens, trust is broken, breaking your heart with it.
Making you want to scream with hurt anger and frustration.
Making you want to ask why, but not wanting to know an answer
Making you want to cry your eyes out, till you heal your soul.
That’s when you doubt your faith in things..in people.
That’s when you know you’ve been betrayed.

It Is Like

2006-07-06T10:54:00.000+04:00

It’s like the sun between clouds
It’s like a glow of light in the darkness
It’s like a word that breaks the silence
It’s like a smile between tears
It’s like color when everything’s black and white
It’s like peace in a world full of wars
It’s like cold drops of water in the desert
It’s like morning after a sleepless night
It’s like hope in a broken heart

As Children Cry

2006-06-26T20:08:00.000+04:00

I sit and watch
Day after day
I sit and watch
So silently
Yet in despair
It makes me weak
That all we do is speak
As children cry
They are ill
They suffer
From starvation they die
As children cry
They’re cold
They’re hungry
From poverty they die
Won’t somebody see?
Tears that fill those beautiful eyes
Wont somebody feel?
The weight on those delicate shoulders
The sadness in those weak hearts

To the girl I saw, the girl who died. it makes me feel better that you’re in a better place now..

To Be Happy

2006-05-31T19:47:00.001+04:00

“Happiness”
Is it overrated?
How would you define this single word, which holds so much within? A simple concept, yet so many explanations.
I asked about happiness.
Some find it in religion, in the closeness to God, in the peace of mind that provides.
Some find it in the eyes of the ones they love, in family, in the laughter of their children..
Some find it in continuous accomplishments, in successful careers and in excellence in their fields.
Some find it in all of these.
Some find it in none.
What matters is, in our busy lives, and at the end of each day filled with struggles, challenges and problems, happiness seems to be our main aim, it is what we strive for.
I’ve realized that no matter how different we are, we have the search for it in common.

Move On

2006-05-28T15:20:00.001+04:00

There stands the truth
For you to see
Why can’t you feel?
Why can’t you make
This heart of yours
To face what’s real
And be able to heal
Why don’t you know?
It’s time to let go
Please
Just move on
Please
Just be strong
Leave the past
Till when are you willing
For this torture to last
Gather those shatters
the broken pieces
You have become
Now move on
Move on
Wild_Heart

Reality

2006-05-20T13:18:00.000+04:00

She lay down on her bed
With so many thoughts
Running through her head
Lost in another world
Far away
A million miles
Recalling it all
Just made her smile
taken back by memories
To a different time
Pictures in her hand
Hard to understand
All Seems like
Another lifetime
A simpler past
So ironic
How things change so fast
Just then
She opened her eyes
And looked around
To a new reality
Wild_Heart

I Sat there Still

2006-05-18T14:47:00.000+04:00

I sat there still
Soothed by the silence
I sat there still
Holding back sobs of frustration
Disappointment
I sat there still
Fighting back the hot tears
Lost in thought
Drowned in confusion
I sat there still
With no one around
Just longing for a sound
Tired of being blind
Going out of my mind
In a cruel world
Wishing to get through
I broke down and cried
Wild_Heart

Inner Fight

2006-04-17T19:41:00.000+04:00

Sometimes I get tired
I close my eyes
Sometimes I run away
From the lies
And then I’m woken up
By all these sounds
I turn my head
And look around
Sometimes I just wonder
What I’m here for
And Where do I stand
All I want to know
Is the wrong and right
As I try to deal
With this inner fight
Between these crowds
So many stories,
so many lives
So much to be told
In all those eyes
Sometimes I wonder
Why we even try
Sometimes I give in
Sometimes I cry
And then I see a glimpse of hope
Right then I know that I could cope
Wild_Heart

It Got Tough

2006-04-04T15:15:00.000+04:00

I saw him there
Tried not to stare
He sits alone
He looks so weak
He rarely speaks
Has been sick, I’ve been told
No wonder why he is so cold
He lost a lot; I’ve heard it’s true
And God only knows
What he’s been through
They said that all has gone so wrong
It must have took so much to be that strong
I watched that man from far away
I felt the tears fill my eyes
And I couldn’t do anything for him but pray
So touched I have been by that sight
From all my heart
I hope, I wish, he’ll be alright
Wild_Heart

It Took That Much

2006-03-24T20:28:00.001+04:00

It took that much
To wake you up
To hear the sounds
To turn around
It took that much
To shake you up
To make you see
To help you feel
And see what’s real
It took that much
For you to know
Who to hold on to
And who to let go
It took that much
To regain the faith
To return the hope
And be able to cope
It took that much
To breathe again
To feel that beat in your heart
To realize you’ve been given another chance
Wild_Heart

For You

2006-03-04T20:30:00.000+04:00

That day
Not so long ago
I swore I’m done
I made a vow
This heart of mine
Would never feel that pain
Again
Turned it to stone
And stayed alone
Then
Why, from where and how
I still don’t know
You came along
To me, you got through
You gave me hope
You taught me trust
You made me smile
And to no one
I’ve ever been that close
And I’ve never felt that happy
Now, I just don’t know
Where we stand
I feel so lost
No one understands

A

2006-02-09T11:15:00.003+04:00

A rainy afternoon
A mug of coffee
A smile
A warm blanket
A windy day
A ten hour sleep
A long talk
A walk on the beach
A night on the living room couch
A silent evening
A surprise visit
A text message showing care
A good song on the radio
A tight hug
A shared memory
A sweet dream
A laugh from the heart
A weekend at home
A thoughtful gesture
A funny movie
A cute baby
A framed picture
A happy ending
A tear of joy
A gathering of friends
A solved argument
An answered prayer

But I Dont Know Her Name..

2006-02-06T12:09:00.000+04:00

For more than a year, I’ve seen her around, doing the same tough job again and again. She smiled and chatted every time I saw her, asking me about my day and how everything was going. She never complained. She never seemed to be upset or tired of it .She always seemed to be just happy with what she had, just satisfied with what she was given. I don’t think she’s that well paid, I don’t think she has the best living conditions, I don’t think fate has offered her the best opportunities, and I’m pretty sure she has tasted hard life a lot., but her warm smile which she never fails to pass around tells me that maybe she has found happiness in the little things in life, that’s how she captured my attention. I Like her, but still, I don’t know her name…

In His Eyes...

2006-02-03T19:33:00.000+04:00

In those huge brown eyes, I found purity. I found beauty untouched by time. I saw the innocence of being away from this life, and not knowing what it holds. I saw the joy of restful sleep. In those giggles I found the meaning of undisturbed happiness. I knew how it felt to be unaware. I heard the laughter of someone who didn’t have to worry, didn’t need to care. I saw things that were so different, from the realities of a harsh life, from the pains of a shattered heart, from the sadness of a healing soul. I felt the warmth and security of the whole world when I held him close, I found the rays of hope when my fingers touched those hands. That smile made my heart sour. In his eyes, I found my soul.
Wild_Heart

I'm me,not them!

2006-01-31T12:49:00.000+04:00

It just happens that you come from a rich well known family, who cares?,it just happens that you're part of that class and society,so what?, it just happens that you're a citizen from this or that country, it just happens that you have this or that culture, tradition and norm. It just happens that you dress that way, it just happens that you have that type of lifestyle. These are things we don’t get to choose, these are just destinies. I could have been any other girl, that person could have been you.
Does that automatically take away your rights of being an individual? Does it just make you one of many? Does it mean that you can't have your own mind, your own ideas, thoughts, feelings, attitudes and beliefs? Does it mean that you are just an exact copy of every person from your people? Does it mean that you hold every idea they have whether it's wrong or right? Does it mean that you don’t deserve a chance…just to prove you are different?
Its just sad how people stereotype and how they judge. No matter where you come from, what your background is, how rich you are, what your religion is, what you believe in, what you do..you still deserve a chance to prove you are different.
Someone judged me yesterday by what I had, not who I was. It didn’t annoy me that much, I didn’t even reply. I just told a close friend of mine this morning, ''I hate being judged''. It used to upset me a lot when people did that, but now I have come to realize that people do it everywhere to everyone, it's not just me. I just believe strongly in all this.

Maybe..

2006-01-30T21:12:00.000+04:00

Maybe there's a smile
Behind those tears
Maybe there's laughter hidden
Within all the fears
Maybe there is hope
Although now, so hard to cope
Maybe there is faith
Maybe there is strength
Maybe you were right
When you said, hold on tight
Maybe hearts would mend
After they were broken
Maybe they'd be told
All the words left unspoken
Maybe it will all be fine
After all this time
Maybe trust would be regained
And left behind will be the pains
Maybe the sadness would be gone
And the warmth would melt the stone
Maybe life will light up these eyes
And forgotten will be all the lies
Wild_Heart

I See..

2006-01-28T19:08:00.000+04:00

I'm walking around university. I see so many things. I see girls, I see boys. I see tall, short, thin, fat, dark skinned, white. Some are dressed traditionally, some are dressed casually and some are just dressed to stand out, with their own style of clothes. I see hair that’s long, short, curly, straight, black, blonde, and brown. Hair which has different streaks of all kinds of colors and hair that’s left natural. I see eyes which are big, tiny, blue, brown, green and grey. I also see some which shine out with the strangest colored lenses in them. I see some covered by shades while others are smiling in the sun. I see so many different features and I simply see beauty in every difference. I was reading a piece the other day about the ''measurements'' of beauty and I thought it made no sense. Who's to judge what's beautiful and what's not? Who made the rules? And what gave them the right to do so? If beauty is what they claim it to be, then how come God gave it to some of us and some not? God is fair. Besides, if there are certain measures of beauty, why do different looks become ''fashions'' all the time?
I wear colored lenses for a different look, I've even dyed my hair for a change. The thought of plastic surgery horrifies me though. Why would anyone want to undergo the pain of surgery when not even needed? Wont it be scary to wakeup one day and find out that everyone looks the same?All fake and plastic?I don’t think that people need jobs for their lips, eyes, boobs, thighs, stomachs asses or noses. I don't believe doctors can make you look better than the way you were created and I believe..there's beauty in every single person i see..

A Different Childhood

2006-01-22T20:43:00.000+04:00

In the darkness of the cold night
I shiver with fright
I look around
No one to be found
Why did you have to go dad
Whoever took you and made mom sad
My body can't hold any longer
No more I could deal with this hunger
The cold is tiring my fragile bones
I'm feeling scared from this long storm
All I'm asking for is a home
And a sweater, please to keep me warm
Doesn’t it matter that I'm only five?
That I deserve a better life?
Won't someone please care to wipe these tears..
Wont someone chase away the fears..
So silent in this world they stand
For the love of God, people
Where's the helping hand..
Does anyone care about my scars?
I'm just a child, destroyed by war
Wild_Heart

I was walking in campus today, it was cold and windy, I had warm clothes on and my tea was nice, but I wondered as I rushed from the building to another, how children coped with war, with poverty, with hunger, with winter…

A Taste Of Sadness

2006-01-20T20:49:00.000+04:00

This misery is a load far heavier than these years
The tears tire these young sad eyes
This fragile heart forgot what joy feels like
These lips miss real smiles
Happiness seems like another world away
An unreachable illusion
The people we wish to have by our sides
Never there
The people we give our hearts to
Step on it and walk away
The people we care about so much
Can't care back
The people we trust
Betray
The people we are always there for
The people we love from all our hearts
And when we are in need
We turn around
And they are nowhere to be found
When we cry
When we are lonely
When we are tired
No one is there
And that's when
We taste sadness
Wild_Heart

Material World

2006-01-19T10:36:00.000+04:00

When was the last time you looked down at someone because of what they were wearing? Or what car they were driving? according to their social class? Or depending on how rich they were? Sadly, we all do it at a time or another, don’t we? Not because we mean it…It's just another norm forced by our society. We have become so materialistic that we judge people by what's outside, completely forgetting about the soul that’s in, the much more complex human being with all the different and unique emotions, thoughts, beliefs and ideas. I'm not saying that looks don’t matter, they do, and I'm not saying that money is not important. Most of the time, it is. I'm not judging you if you like Chanel, Cartier or Porsche, a lot of us do. I'm just saying, that if we look closely, if we give a chance to what's inside, we'll realize how naive and shallow we are, caring about the outside…Just a thing to think about..

Let It Rain

2006-01-18T20:42:00.000+04:00

Photo By Ga6wa

The skies are clear blue, the sun is shining, the air is warm, the birds are singing, there isn’t a trace of a cloud in the horizon. Isn't that the picture-perfect day? To a lot of people it is, I've noticed. It may sound strange, but that’s not my ideal picture of the heavenly weather. I don’t like sunshine, I don’t like clear skies and I don’t like birds singing…let me explain!
I like dark cold afternoons, I like skies full of clouds, and most of all...I like rain. I think I've said this a million times in my life, but let me say it again…I love rain. I've ran in the rain, I've walked in the rain, I've played in the rain, I've smiled in the rain, I've cried in the rain, I've laughed in the rain, I've sat in the rain for hours until I got wet. For countless times I've looked up at the sky, and tried to taste the raindrops. I've sprawled in my warm room and stared at the rain from the window, with no sound but the drip drops on the glass. I still do all of that, whenever it rains. To me, rain holds a beautiful mystery that a lot don’t see, it amazes me, it simply makes me happy…

Love is..?

2006-01-17T18:42:00.000+04:00

I'm sure you’ve asked yourself this more than once. I did. Maybe I'm just 20, maybe I'm too young to know. What is love? Is it something planted by God within us? Or is it just another thing we learn? Is it an illusion? Is it real? Is it something we need? Can we just do fine without it in our lives? Just listen to love songs, there are countless definitions, emotions, and thoughts linked to this single word.
They say love is a miracle, they say love is a blessing, they say it's amazing to be in love. They say a lot of good things about it..then how come a lot of people are ''hurt'' by love? How come people are in love with the wrong ones? How come people break up? How come they get divorced? Weren't they supposed to be ''in love''? If nothing's forever,What about love to eternity? Is it just a lie? Is it an unreachable dream? If so, maybe some marriage vows should be changed to ''Till divorce tears us apart'' instead of ''till death do us apart''.
Sometimes we see people so in love but suddenly love alters, it changes, it disappears, and that may hurt the lives of many. A person is in love with someone this month and someone else the next month. Why is that? Is that possible? Is it right? I was just looking around me..and wondering. People are in love, out of love. People get married, people get separated, people get divorced, all because of love. That takes me back to my question leaving it unanswered. Last year I was asked this exact same question in an English course, and when I now read the essay I wrote back then, I think to myself ''Was I joking?, what on earth was I thinking?''. It's strange how perspectives change..Maybe next year, I'll see it in a different way!

Dear ......

2006-01-16T13:52:00.000+04:00

Remember the days,
Memories that faded away,
The times
We ran around
Without a worry to be found
Remember the innocence
The happiness of childhood
And the smiles
Who would ever thought
We'd be separated
By miles..
Remember winter days
How evenings passed away
While we played hide and seek
Without a care in the world
But then it changed
More far away, you moved everyday
You rarely talked
As much as it hurt
Away you walked
You never told me why
You had to make me cry
And I miss having you by my side
Every single day
Wild_Heart

Dreams That Fade

2006-01-15T22:18:00.000+04:00

Isn’t it funny how we used to be dreamers?
with dreams way bigger than us
how we hoped
how we wished
how nothing was impossible
there were no limits to what we wanted to do..
no end to what we were going to achieve
we weren’t like the rest, we were born to change
and day by day
as we grow older
the world doesn’t seem so perfect anymore
and the realities of life we get to taste
just disappoint us
dreams faded away
and day after day
they died..

Just The Wonders..

2006-01-15T21:46:00.000+04:00

Photo by Uae Latino

To watch the wide sea, thinking of what it holds within,and feel the fresh breeze in your hair.
To smell the warm salty air and enjoy the beauty of the colors as the sun fades in the far horizon.
To draw and write on the soft sand, and then see the waves wash it all away.
To sit in the cold night hugging your warm jacket tight.
And to love every moment of it.
In those minutes, no problem seems that big, nothing is that impossible, there is nothing you cant face.
Just the wonders of a sunset..